it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
you never un-have a 4some
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
