you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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