His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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