well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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