Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
