i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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