i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
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