Tell her she can't have a vagina
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize