Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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