Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Randomize
