also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
