He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
