Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
