I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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