I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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