Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
