I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The police scanner is talking about you again....
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
