worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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