The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
