Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
we made out on top of his cat.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
