end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
