Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
