cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
