My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
