Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
