But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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