I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
