Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
