Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
