Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
