i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
