Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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