Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
