bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
