the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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