Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
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he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
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We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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