she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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