why didn't you poke me back
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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