The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
