Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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