Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
