When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
