Ambien. No doubt about it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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