Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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