Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
