No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
