Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
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I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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