Only a mothe r could love this liver
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
