woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
it glows. i had to have it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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