There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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