now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sorry about my life...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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