Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
