Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
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you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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