TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
How naked do you want me to be?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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