hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
