Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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