I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
