i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
