i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
