I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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