the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
