so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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