So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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