I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
