Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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