thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
