It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
