Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
