You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
