just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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