Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
