I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
