I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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